Confession in english

This would be one of the first things I write in English, as a standard blog entry… I apologize to my Spanish readers that don’t understand. It just feels like in the right mood to start a blog entry in a language I also speak.

 

“There’s a man of the people

Says: ‘keep hope alive’
got fuel to burn

Got roads to drive
keep on rockin’ In the free world”
–Neil Young

 

Here’s a confession, I love being the champion of a lost cause: obsession, defiance, grit: the line between indomitable genius and hopeless holdout is blurred. We all have the capacity to chase unlikely dreams, but for some people, (like me) the pursuit becomes its own reward.

There are no thin lines between victory and defeat; in fact, there’s a whole great wall of china with foot soldiers with spears and sharp swords facing each other. And when it comes to lost causes, I love being there, fighting just like king Leonidas at the Thermopylae. What it hurts it’s not the defeat itself, but rather the price you pay for it. Knowing that you screwed things up beyond repair, knowing that it will never be the same, knowing that nothing will change the fact that what’s done it’s done. It can haunt you in your dreams, make you feel miserable, but you get over it, and find another challenge. You can either come out triumphant, or lose again, but the thrill, the rush, is getting there.

When you value what you lost, knowing what was at stake, you can only smile ‘cause you either had it, almost had it, or it slipped your hands because you didn’t knew how to play your cards right. Being persistent and pushy can piss off a lot of people. But remembering the good times is something that not even the greatest defeat and all the pain that comes with it can take away.  Like in Casablanca: “we’ll always have Paris”.

Sometimes passion is fueled by pathological stubbornness or tragic obsession, whichever sounds better and suits the best.  But true lost causes are more complex than obsessions. They’re double-edged, blending psychic rewards with the guarantee of defeat. Whether through the roiled-up hormonal chemistry of an unrequited romance. The rewards are so great and the motives so deep that the struggle goes on, despite the evidence that you can never win. But on a long shot, at least all lost causes are built on that most triumphant thing of human capacities: Hope.

 

Alberto R Zambrano U 1.50AM August 26, 2008

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